EMOTIONALLY CHARGED ISSUES: Lessons from the Healthcare Reform Debate


By Bud Bilanich


Bud Bilanich, The Common Sense Guy, is a management consultant, keynote speaker, executive coach, author, and blogger (www.successcommonsense.com). He can be reached at commonsense@PM360online.com.

If you’re like me, you’ve been following the healthcare reform debates. Things got a little bizarre during the August congressional recess. Many of the townhall meetings could be described only as chaotic. Healthcare reform is an
emotional issue. However, we (the citizens of the USA) missed an important opportunity last month. Instead of civil discourse on an important issue, emotions got the best of us and we ended up with some compelling TV footage but little true discussion.I bring up the townhall meetings to make a common sense point about the importance of listening to the people in your life—especially those with whom you disagree. In my coaching and talks, I tell people my number one secret for communication success. “When someone begins speaking, and you say to yourself, ‘That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,’ listen hard—because that’s when you’re most likely to learn something.” The townhall meetings last month were a vivid example of how not to apply this point. There was no listening, just a lot of talking and yelling.

Great Communicators
“Seek first to understand and then to be understood” is one of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is key if you want to become a great communicator, resolve differences constructively, and build strong relationships with the people in your life. It’s easy to judge what someone else is saying when you don’t understand where he or she is coming from. Your ego gets involved and you spend your time trying to prove that you are right and that he or she is wrong. There’s no listening, only talking that often gets shrill and angry. Sadly, this behavior occurs most often when the stakes are highest. When you engage in this type of win/lose behavior, you hamper true understanding of all sides of an issue and make it difficult, if not impossible, to arrive at a solution that takes into account the needs of all parties. Common sense says we should listen, work hard to understand others’ point of view, and then figure out a solution that addresses everyone’s ideas and concerns. This begins with listening to one another.
When you choose to listen to what another person has to say, you are likely to find some points on which you agree. You can use these points to begin a constructive dialogue—one in which you can build a creative solution to your differences. However, this can happen only if you begin by working hard to understand what the other person is saying, and why he or she is saying it.

Creative Solutions from Small Points
In 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success, I say: “Listening to one another is a great way to not only resolve conflict positively, it helps strengthen relationships. And, as we all know, conflict often leads to a deterioration of
relationships. So to me this approach is a no-brainer. First, you get to resolve conflict positively. Second, you strengthen your relationships.
“I look for any small point of agreement and then try to build on it. I find that it is easier to reach a larger agreement when I build from a point of small agreement, rather than attempting to tear down the other person’s points.
“Most people don’t do this. They get caught up in proving their point. They hold on to it more strongly when someone else attacks it. If you turn around the discussion and say, ‘Let’s focus where we agree, and see if we can build something from there,’ you make the situation less personal. Now the two of you are working together to figure out a mutually agreeable solution to your disagreement. You’re not tearing down one another’s arguments just to get your way. Try this. It works.”
Product managers deal with a variety of constituencies, each of which has different perspectives, needs, and wants. Truly effective product managers take the time to listen to these various constituencies and to create a course of action that takes into account everyone’s needs and wants.